My Biggest Fears

I've spent quite a while deciding on whether or not I should write this blog, I mean, who really wants to know about my biggest fears? Maybe I'm just hoping that I'll look back at this in a couple of years and will realise how trivial these fears are in the grand scheme of things.

You'd think my biggest fear, being almost 31 weeks pregnant, would be labour. In a sense, you would be right. I'm terrified that I won't get the birth that I want, I'll be alone when I go into labour, that my body won't know what to do and when to do it, I'll be rushed into hospital and something will go terribly wrong. Anxiously excited is a great oxymoron that describes how I feel.

In fact, my biggest fear is failure. Failure from the starting block of giving birth to failure to breast feed or provide. I recently read that the only way you truly can fail is by giving up, and I suppose that is true. But whose to say I'm not just a rubbish mum? 

Fear of failure is something we face at every stage of life, but that doesn't actually seem to make it any easier.

I do have many little fears all based on the same thing, but there are many questions that have crossed my mind and make me not only fear for myself but for the little human who will be depending on me for the best part of the rest of his life (if not physically, then emotionally)!

Such as;
What if I go into full blown labour and there's nobody there?
What if I look at him for the first time, and I don't feel an overwhelming love and I just think "Ew!"
What if I don't hear him cry in the middle of the night until he's screaming?
What if I can't breast feed very well?
I'm not very good at steering prams, I'm just hoping I don't lose control and steer him into a lamp post or something
I can't manoeuvre a pram the way some ladies can, so... how do I fold it again?
Will I forget to put the seatbelt around the car seat?
What do I do when he cries and NOTHING helps?
What if he doesn't like me?

So there they are, well some of them anyway. I'm sure any mother will probably empathise with being worried about so many little things. I'm sure in time I'll come to realise that they aren't as big of a deal as I think.